There is an expectation as parents that we set healthy boundaries with and for our children. Professionals focus on the importance of boundaries in discipline, parenting books use the term freely. What does setting healthy boundaries really mean?

Boundaries are simply rules that you as a parent and family establish that are intended to teach your child responsibility and keep them safe. Where most problems occur for families is not with setting the rules or boundaries or even with determining consequences, it’s follow-through.

Here are some tips to establishing meaningful boundaries, reasonable consequences and realistic follow-through:

• Set rules that are development appropriate. A four year old can pick up their own toys, an 8 year old can help to make and pack their lunch, a 12 year old can walk the dog and take out the garbage.
• Sit down with your child to discuss the expectations in detail and write them down or create a chart. Rather than saying “clean your room”, be specific- “make your bed, dirty clothes in laundry basket, clean clothes in drawers, toys on the shelf.
• Be clear with your child about when an expectation must be completed and what the consequence will be if it is not. “If you do not complete your homework before dinner there will be no television time before bed”.
• Avoid giving too many directions at once. Many children are overwhelmed by a number of requests at one time and will forget step two before step one is completed. This can result in anxiety for the child and frustration for you. Instead give one direction at a time or use a visual chart that your child can look at to remind them of what they are to do next.
• Teach your child that privileges are just that- privileges. Things such as television, screen time, toys, phones etc. are all privileges that should be earned not expected. Connect privileges to household rules and appropriate behaviour. All children are motivated by something so ensure you are providing an opportunity for them to reach for what they want.
• Using a timer can be an effective way of keeping your child on track, whether it’s limiting screen time or managing homework time (eg. reading for 20 minutes).
• Ensure that your consequences are reasonable and doable! ‘False threats’ teach your child that your word cannot be counted on. If you tell your child that the consequence for running away from you in the grocery store is that you will leave- be prepared to do it!
• When you establish a new set of expectations with your child you can expect to see an increase in challenging behaviour. Children will test your intention with increased tantrums, yelling or crying. Be assured that sticking to your word is critical for success when it comes to follow-through. Once your child sees that you will not waiver, their choice will be to follow the rules and boundaries or accept the consequences of their behaviour.